This is a series that begins from 2014, drawings that I wasn’t able to share until now, until I was able to grow a necessary sense of detachment from then.
Looking back, I must have been terribly grumpy when I started this book! Was I not drawing the happy memories from that time? Was I only using the sketchbook to work out my darknesses?
“The whole day. It really wasn’t bad. I was doing my own idea and it was going well. But there’s this utter sense of discontinuation that is no one’s doing.
I guess I am always meant to be a loner among peers.
I miss a lot of people who are away. And wish we could go on a holiday.”
03: Feels like someone else’s life
“That body I must take care of. At least I’ve lost this need to be cool. You must be so happy, and I a different person. Feels like it’s someone else. Oh this bloody heat!”
A little clue that I had just become pregnant then. And scared of children, scared of giving birth and scared of being a mother!
04: Another Sunday
Why was I making such a big deal about being pregnant? You know half the country can get pregnant, since they have the necessary apparatus. In my case, though I didn’t smoke in college (because I wanted to have a healthy baby when I was 25) I never really wanted to have children. I did not like them, I was scared by their non-verbal communication, and intimidated by the general unpredictability. However sometime around my thirties I started being more open to the possibility, probably because we started acquiring nieces and nephews, and the brown boy is a complete and utter baby person. Around 8 weeks, I finally started getting more used to the idea that I was growing a new human being!
Another Sunday that I spent mostly in my own head. Thinking a lot about my 30-year-old relationship with my body. And my imagination reducing slowly but surely.
I should be happier, I know. So many good things are happening.
Friends are such a great support. Here’s Anitha:
Anitha: Do things that make you happy.
Me: But what? So hard to find something like that…
Anteater: Or you’re already doing happy things, like me?
06: 8 weeks baby hungry little tadpole
Helpful books, advice and food from 2pie and Snehasis.
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