It is my cousin B’s 21st birthday today. I cannot believe he is 21…that makes me so, so old! Anyway I thought he was turning 19. And I told him, that since he’s always been so precocious, a year or two more or less hardly makes a difference!
Last time B was driving me somewhere and all through the journey lectured me on economics in modern Japan! Anyway.

(Click on the image and see it against a white background. I think the green is swallowing the luminosity)

It’s hard work being happy, and when you’re happy your sketches are boring. Why should I want to be happy? I’ve noticed I can’t draw really good stuff when I’m happy, they end up being really banal. But when I’m sad, I can draw like wild fire! There’s something about sadness/ grief/conflict that really draws out the creativity in me.

When I was in college I used to try so hard to stay sad and depressed all the time. It’s so elusive now, because my life is great, I like ( almost three days out of seven) my job, I like Viv, I’ve got everything I want…and it’s difficult to find sadness!!!

So what’s the point in being happy? Can’t do really expressive work, plus it’s hard work as well. I know what’s easy though. It’s easy to stay in a kind of inertia, not feeling anything one way or the other, not letting anything touch you. I used to believe that you can really do great work in isolation like that.
But that’s not true. Only when you’re in conflict.